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Last night I watched “Rat Race” - one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen in my life.

In the video store I picked up this movie on DVD, noted the stellar cast and good reviews on the cover and thought that it could be worth watching. I could not have been more wrong. Sometimes when you watch a movie you’re disappointed because your expectations are too high, or because you’re just not in the right mood to appreciate that sort of film. Those excuses don’t apply here though, because I was in the mood for a lighthearted comedy, and my only expectation was that it should be funny.

This movie should never have been released. It’s the most unfunny rubbish I’ve ever seen, and an incredible waste of a talented cast; John Cleese, Rowan Atkinson and Whoopi Goldberg just to mention three actors that probably wake up every night in a cold sweat wishing they’d never agreed to be in this trash.

The plot, such as it is, is this: A wealthy Las Vegas casino owner (played by John Cleese) comes up with a scheme to entertain his high-rollers. He places six special tokens in his slot machines, then gathers the six winners together in one room and tells them he’s sending them on a race to recover $2 million dollars which is stored in a locker in the train station of some remote little town. The only rule, he tells them, is that there are no rules. The first person there wins the money. It’s actually a decent premise for a movie like this, along the same lines as “Cannonball Run”.

Unfortunately, the script feels like it was put together by a bunch of 10 year old boys locked in a room and fed red cordial and speed until they went spastic. I certainly don’t mind unusual, absurd or unrealistic situations in a comedy, but that’s not the problem here. The problem is that the director has relied on slapstick and visual gags, and has telegraphed the punchline of almost every single joke. It was so predictable and banal in its stupidity that I was literally uttering the characters next lines in advance during some parts of the movie.

There were a few funny moments. Cleese’s character and his high-rolling gamblers will bet on anything, and the setups for their wagers were generally funny. There were one or two other gags that I laughed at, but so often a funny moment was spoilt by dragging it out far too long, or setting it up so transparently that you were over it by the time it arrived.

I wanted to turn it off, but I was hoping desperately that it would improve. Instead it got steadily worse as the film progressed, until it all culminated in the most sickly sweet and preachy ending I’ve seen in years. I think it says a lot that I laughed more during the two minute blooper reel on the DVD than during the movie.

Do yourself a favour and skip this movie, or recommend it to your worst enemies.

A little while ago I wrote about a strange souvenir my work had been sent by a vendor, presumably to promote their products.

Well, they’re at it again. We received another souvenir wrapped in a little cardboard package, along with a single sheet of promotional material. This time they were kind enough to tell us what it was - apparently it’s a magnetic photoframe. I’m not sure how this is meant to influence our decision as to which hard disk drives are the best or most cost-effective, or whether we’re going to start getting love letters next, or what it means. I’m not even sure if it’s very practical as I think most people have been told at least once not to put magnets near computers, and there’s not much else near the average desk you could stick it on.

Sure, the magnetic field on this thing is probably too weak to have any adverse effect on your computer, but not many people would be willing to risk it unless they knew for sure. Perhaps you’re meant to take it home and stick it on the fridge, I don’t know. Or maybe these souvenirs are all part of a puzzle that will be revealed over time as the pieces arrive one by one.

We found another use for it though - the photoframe seperates into two parts, which will stick to our whiteboard if they hit it fairly flat when thrown. Ten seconds and a whiteboard marker later, and we’ve invented Office Darts!

I can’t wait for the next exciting installment.

Well, it’s been a while since I wrote in my diary, but I have a good
excuse - I’ve been in Sydney.

I spent most of last week (Monday night until Friday morning) in
Sydney on a trip to CeBIT for work. It was the culmination of a lot
of things, and we’d been in a mad rush to get ready for it. It was a
lot of work, but worthwhile.

It was the first time I’d been to Sydney - that is, the first time I’d
been outside the airport - and I was hoping to get a chance to have a
look around. As it turned out I only got about three hours to myself,
so I didn’t see much.

So, on Wednesday morning I left our hotel in Darling Harbour and
meandered through the city until I reached Circular Quay. I figured
that I couldn’t possibly visit Sydney without at least seeing the
harbour bridge (which was smaller than I thought it would be) and the
opera house.

I didn’t see much of the city, I admit. What I did see was a real
mix - some beautiful buildings, nice parks and open spaces, but also
some pretty dirty streets and pedestrian unfriendly walkways.

All up though, it was an interesting place and one I definitely want to
visit again with some time to explore. One of the other CeBIT
exhibitors told me that you can climb the harbour bridge, which I’m
really keen to try. Plus there’s the aquarium, tons of restaurants,
and the rest of Sydney which I didn’t even see.

There are also quite a few game arcades, something we seem to have lost
here in Hobart with the only one I know of being Timezone at the
cinema in town. I finally got to see a Dance-Dance-Revolution machine,
which was bizarre but looked like fun. Teenagers dancing to techno in
an arcade is just one thing that’s changed since I used to spend all
my money on Double Dragon and Hard Drivin’.

After three days of long hours standing up at our booth, it sure
was nice to look out the window of our plane and know that I’d be able
to put my feet up very soon. And while we don’t have as many impressive
buildings down here, I still think the scenery is good.